CPAP very scary

Jonathan seems to be o.k with the CPAP is what the nurse told us, however when I first seen him he was crying, so of course I started to cry. How helpless can a mother feel when your baby is crying and you cant do a thing about it! The doctors kept telling us that this is Jonathans first time so he will probably go back on the ventilator because this is a lot of work for him on his own and he is still small. They told us that some babies only stay on for 15 mins while a few far and between slide through but its really up to the baby, about 90% of babies do not stay on the CPAP the first time. So from what I gather its a waiting game if Jonathan can do it he will and if he gets to tired they put him back on the ventilator. I officially think CPAP is the scariest thing, Jonathan stopped breathing and it took the nurse tapping his bed and me to rub his back and talking to him to stimulate him enough so he would remember that he needs to breathe, he turned blue and then finally he took a big deep breathe:) So when he does that (forgets to breathe) its called apnea there is just a little apnea to severve apnea where it will take the baby a long time to get his breathe, Jonathan just had a moderate spell:( When Justin and I left around 1030pm Jonathan was still on CPAP. I called around 4am to see how he was doing and he was still on CPAP however he had a severve apnea episode where the nurses needed to bag him to give him oxygen because he would not breathe. They said they were going to continue him on CPAP because this was his first during the night.