WHY???

This is not supposed to be a depressing post but I have been staying awake a lot at night thinking about so much I thought I would post it and maybe it would help.

Jonathan is doing great, he is now using the honey bear cup and he took some sucks by himself I don't know were time goes but he is sure growing up!
I look at him and he is so perfect in my eyes yet why don't other people see that. Why when we go to the park all the other mommies are chating and I am sitting on the swing just so Jonathan can feel the wind in his hair. Why do I see a mom in the mall with two "typical" twin boys and I constintly think what did I do or not do that I can't have both my boys, why I will have to explain to Leah she had another brother but was just to little to survive. Why do I have to even think about Jonathan going to preschool next year it terrifies me, will he have an aide, will they know what he wants, will he understand that mommy is dropping him off but I WILL be back for him later, he has never been away from me or if he has its been with grandma and papa. Why, Why, Why do I have to constintly fight for therapy? When I get a denial letter because 1) speech is not a nessecity, what the crap does that mean, speech is a huge thing he will be able to talk maybe only a few words or maybe GOD has another plan. or 2) Only needs 2 days a week instead of three days a week of p.t, again what the heck does this so called person sitting behind a desk know about my son, nothing absolutly nothing I challenge him or her to come to my home and look at my son and tell me in my face he is fine and only needs certain days, I didn't ask to use this so called "benefit" of therapy through my insurance if we didn't have to by all means we wouldn't use it, I am not the only one that has to fight for things I read about others of special need kids and its not just fighting for therapies its a fight for EVERYTHING, schools, equiptment, services why is this? I am scared of what the future will bring to Jonathan if us parents have to fight for our kids and for those of us that have non verbal kids what will they do when there older who will protect them, who will be their voice? I really want to start a fund its not going to save the special needs world but if it could help a handful of great, smart, happy, loving kids wouldn't that be wonderful? So if you have any ides on how I would start this drop me a comment I know my hands will be busy when Leah comes but I have a ways for that and if I could just look into it and get some ideas that would be so awesome!!!!! FOr all of you that have special need kids, keep fighting its hard I know but some of these kids have only one voice and thats you and if you do have a special needs kid I compliment you its a hard journey and I don't know you or your child but it doesn't matter your kiddo is great, smart, funny, happy, and it because of you!!!!!

Laura